For a very long time, it was important for me not to feel like the bad guy, and so the guilt became a trap. The old saying that talk is cheap is important in the scenario. Pay close attention to what your husband’s ex-wife is doing rather than what she is saying. And at every turn when something is being done or said that is out of alignment with what you know has been said and needs to be done your job is to insist on clarity. This is easier said though because it may require you to stand up against your emotional bully.
We need relationships with others to see ourselves more clearly. Every relationship we have reflects back to us what we are putting out into the world. Know that a relationship isn’t a failure just because it ended.
From Our Partners
The more you learn about coping with angry, unreasonable people – and setting your boundaries – the easier it’ll be to deal with your boyfriend’s ex-wife. If you’ve worked with people, you know how challenging it can be to deal with bad moods, unreasonable demands, even mean people. Your boyfriend’s ex-wife may be all of that and more…which means you need to learn how to deal with problems people cause. This is for your own emotional health and well-being — as well as for your boyfriend’s sanity and your relationship. If your boyfriend’s ex-wife is angry and bitter, it might help if she got to know who you are as a person.
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I pretty seriously doubt he’s done the work he needs to do on himself to be stable. So knowing his past and how it affects him in the present is the only way to understand what a future with him might look like. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it.
She has filed trespassing charges for dropping off things she had asked for and fraudulently presented evidence I had abused my child. It’s overwhelming and I don’t know what to do. In our situation, the ex has the child scared and has manipulated the emotions so the child will say what the ex wants said. Thankfully, we’re finally with a counselor that sees the child is being coached and recognizes that the complaints the child has about our time are actually the exes thoughts being drilled into the child.
That doesn’t mean that it has to be forever. That is the interesting part about this whole scenario. The time clock is ticking, and it will be over at one point. When I say it will be over at one point, I mean that the reach of the ex partner is going to be limited once the children are grown. At the end of the day, you end up looking like the bad guy.
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How to move on from an ex, when your mind is dwelling in the past? Reminiscing on the good times is nice, but after a breakup, looking back is probably the worst thing you can do. It can slow down your healing process – things like, visiting your first date spot, or going to your ex’ favorite restaurant are bad ideas.
Don’t try to be friends with them right now. It’s possible you could eventually be friends with your ex, but first you need to get over the breakup. Give yourself the time and space away from them you need to heal. If you must stay in contact with them because you share children, keep your communications focused on your children. Talk to someone about your feelings, such as a friend or therapist. Writing in your journal can also help you work through these feelings.
How to love your partner, plus tips for healthy love relationships. It’s soul destroying and cuts to my core that I for over 20 years looked after, cooked and earned to keep the family and kids. I know believe my ex suffers from narracistic and personality AngelReturn disorders of some sort. Who would do that sort of thing through spite. Denying not only me a relationship with the kids and vice versa. I personally found myself very emotional and as strange as it seems, I felt like my ex and his family were still family.
Does my ex wife sound like she has BPD
Sometimes it is difficult to accept change, even if it’s change you want or know you need. But you are now an independent person, even if you do still share the obligation of raising children together. Shedding the identity of husband or wife will take time and conscious effort. When your ex calls for advice or wants to vent, you have to say no if that is not within your boundaries.